Sunday, January 10, 2010

5 things never to say to a pregnant lady...

Alright people, let's talk. It's become very clear to me that a BOOK needs to be written on WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A PREGNANT LADY. And, I guess I'll have to write it. Now, I'm NOT a professional pregnant lady...but, these past 7 months I've learned QUITE a bit about what people have said to me...and my pregnant friends. So, thank you, tactless people, for allowing me to quote you and use this as a teaching tool. May we all take away something from this little "teaching lesson."


Really? Most of us never hear this. BUT, I was next to a friend who was pregnant and someone made the comment how SMALL she was. ONE would THINK that pregnant women would LOVE to hear how small they are...but, people, it gets old. Pregnant women want to hear they look good...not small. They don't want to worry about if their baby is developing normally. They just want it to be healthy. They can't help how their body grows! SO if they are small...they are small. OK? Good...let's move to #4.


Once again...REALLY?! BREATHE? Do you EVEN NEED to ask that? I mean, isn't it a given...pregnant women need air...therefore, if they are standing, walking, talking, or even SITTING, they are breathing. Maybe we are having trouble breathing...BUT even if I was (which I have yet to have a hard time) I would NEVER tell them it was difficult. JUST BECAUSE they asked. What a question...can you breathe. Like we need to carry oxygen around or something.

Oh, friends, just what every pregnant lady wants to feel like...a balloon, or something that pops. Your hormones are already flying high, you already are having problems getting out of bed. That last thing you NEED to hear is people saying you look like you are ready to pop. Now, I'm going out on a limb here and saying, that in all the history of pregnant women, I've never heard of women "popping." I just don't think God created our bellies to explode, or "pop" as you call it. When a woman has 4 weeks left, DO NOT say she's about to pop...otherwise she just might "pop" you! Instead, offer to pay for a pedicure for her. Be nice...not stupid.

Oh dear. TACTLESS. Just tactless. Has your pregnant friend announced that she's carrying twins? No? Oh then, KEEP YOUR RUDE thoughts to yourself. They can't help if they look like they are having twins...God designed their body...NOT them. Therefore, if you are questioning their size and the dr's ability to read an ultrasound, you are questioning God and his ability to design humans. Although, after you say something like this to a pregnant lady, I'm sure she is questioning GOD as to how He created that brain of yours for THINKING that saying that will "help" the pregnant woman at that time. Rude comments...keep them in your head.

How is a pregnant woman suppose to answer this? I've thought about it for some time and I've come up with the perfect idea. Use your HUGE body and tackle them to the ground! I mean, "huge" men are making millions in the NFL by tackling their opponents so WHY NOT use that HUGE body and tackle the person to the ground and show them JUST HOW HUGE you really can be! That person MIGHT get the picture and stay away from you from then on. What a blessing THAT WOULD BE!

It's funny that people FEEL the need to tell pregnant women JUST what they are thinking. Since I've graduated from college, I've gained MORE weight BEFORE I was pregnant than I have since I've BEEN pregnant. In ALL my 7 years of living in the "real" world, not ONE person has come up to me and told me how HUGE I'm looking. In the last 7 MONTHS...I've had just a FEW people come up to me to inform me of how HUGE I look. REALLY!? You DID NOT notice the weight I've gained in the past 7 years? AND NOW, since my belly is growing...and HORMONES RAGING, you make the rude comments. This needs to STOP.

Pregnant women all over this world will THANK YOU FOR IT.


Burns family said...

Oh, Rachel I totally agree! I have a classic comment someone once said to me. I think I was about eight weeks pregnant, so NOT showing even remotely. My boss literally said, "girl, you are carrying that baby in your hips! My God are your hips huge!" Nice. Really nice.

* said...

LOL!!! This needs to be on Good Morning America!!

Dixieland57 said...

You have your mama roaring with laughter. Thanks for the comic relief. I needed it.
I think you are beautiful, baby girl of mine.

Anonymous said...

Love. it. Love it.
I had someone once say, "Oh my!" (very startled and concerned, in front of a group of PEOPLE, mind you) "Are you OKAY?! You look so...puffy! Are you sure you don't have gestational diabetes?!"
Oh. My. Gosh. Could have melted on the floor...or maybe clawed her eyes out.
No, thank you for diagnosing me, though. I do not have GD. Even if I did and didn't tell you, you have NO right to call me puffy. I never asked you about what you think of the condition of my body.
(That was when I was preg w/ Beck)
Great post.

Tena Zvanovec said...

So funny, I got asked if it was having twins. Then when I said no she asked "are you sure!". That lady was lucky that I didnt throw my wendys frosty in her face!!

Rae Nolt said...

These comments are great. Well, not really GREAT, but you know. Totally classic comments. People just speak so differently when you are pregnant.* said...

Rachel! I rarely use this...but this post has got me using it


I was laughing so hard. ESPECIALLY with the tackling part. I would have tackled so many men and women. :) Like that fat lady at the pool... "YOU HAVE TO GO UNTIL AUGUST?!?!?!" (it was june!) i was soooo mad. WHY I OUTTA...

Way to go Rachel! :)

Jamie Willow said...

"Instead, offer to pay for a pedicure for her. Be nice...not stupid."

amen sista!

AlignaCristina said...

Oh my goodness Rachel this blog was sooo funny!!! And true.I think you should write the book;-)

jessica m said...

Ahhh! Still SO FUNNY! I may need a list of come-backs ready to fire when and if this happens!